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You've fallen in love. And
now you're planning on spending the rest of your life with that special someone. A date
has been picked for the wedding. You'll discuss a lot of things before the big day. Not
only will you talk about all the wedding arrangements, but also your dreams for the
future. As you hold each other's hands you'll discuss how many children to have, what
you'll do with your careers and even what your perfect house looks like.
And while it's important to share those thoughts, you don't want to forget a subject that
is a major cause of failed marriages. An important element of any successful marriage is
the ability to handle money together.
And that can be a challenge. Think about it for a moment. If you put any two people
together you can almost bet that their views on money will differ. One will look at money
as a way to buy things. To another money equals status. Still others seem to go through
life without any real regard for money.
And that's not surprising. Because we each relate to money uniquely due to a number of
different influences in our lives. Everything from our childhood experiences to our
philosophy on life will impact the way we use and view money. We each will make financial
decisions based on a framework that seems logical to us.
Why is that important for our engaged couple? Because during the course of their marriage
they will make many choices that will be effected by their outlook on money. And many
disagreements that seem to be about one issue will actually be about the way they view
money. Unless they realize the underlying problem it will be difficult to resolve the
argument.
Let's look at some practical steps that our newlyweds can take to help them put a firm
financial foundation under their marriage. They can begin by spending some time exploring
how each person feels about money. It doesn't need to be Harvard MBA type questions. Just
ask your mate how money affected their childhood. Did they feel particularly rich or poor?
Perhaps they felt that their parents were trying to buy affection. Just get an idea of
what role money played in their families at that age.
Next, spend some time talking about your current ideas about money. Do you have a fear of
having too little (or too much) money? Is money something that you'd rather not discuss?
You might spend a lot of time thinking about money or perhaps never think of it at all.
Share your feelings with each other. Our love birds should also spend a little time
talking about what constitutes a major purchase. For some people and budget situations an
unplanned $10 expense is a big deal. Other people think nothing of putting a couple of
hundred dollars on their charge card if the timing seems right. At what level is it
appropriate to consult the other before making a purchase?
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